Yosemite

O.K., so I got a bug up my butt and felt like I just had to get away for a little bit. Feeling a little "shack-whacky", you know how it is. With a three day weekend approaching and nothing planned, I called a hotel in Oakhurst and reserved a room for Saturday night. Saturday, the kids and I got up and cleaned the house, went and washed and vacuumed the car, got the oil changed, went grocery shopping, and did a couple loads of laundry. Then, I packed us an overnight bag, some snacks for the car and a bag of toys for each of the kids. We loaded up and were on the road at 4:00pm. We got into Oakhurst at 6:30pm. In order to get a room on the ground level, because of the kids, I was offered a handycap room. It was so huge! No door on the bathroom, but with it being just me and the kids, no biggie, and there was no bathtub only a shower, but that was fine.

We got up in the morning and had the continental breakfast in the community room, then loaded up the car and drove into Yosemite. Just about as soon as we got there, it started raining, pretty hard too. So I stopped and we got out for a little bit, but the kids were a little cold and wanted to get back in the car. We drove for a while, but I was getting a little nervous 'cause of the rain and the elevation and the twisty mountain roads, so I turned around and we went back a little bit to this place that we'd seen that had old log houses. It is a landmark historical site. So we got out and explored the little village in the rain, but the kids seemed to be o.k. with it this time. We found a trail that wandered alongside the river, so we walked that for a while, the kids threw pinecones in the water and watched them get washed away. We ended up spending about three hours at the park. I would have liked to say a lot longer, but the rain was making it pretty miserable. When we were done playing there, we went back into Oakhurst and went to a childrens museum. We stayed there for about three hours. The kids had a great time. They were pretty wiped out by 3:00pm, so we loaded up and got on the road. I was back in Paso at 5:30pm, we were all pretty tired, so we had an easy dinner and just snuggled on the couch and watched a movie together untill bedtime. It was a pretty fun weekend.

Today we are cleaning the house, and later we will go check out the new Castle Park that just opened last weekend. It was a nice bonding weekend for me and the kids.

So I'm at the park today to let the kids get some fresh air and enjoy the nice warm weather; I am pretty much just a spectator as I've been sick with a stomach flu and am too weak to barely move. I watch them playing in the sand, I talk to the other kids passing by who will talk to just about anyone that will listen to them, I see the make believe happening, when all of a sudden a small child just getting the idea of walking wanders into view. A doting dad wanders just behind her, not to close(let her do it), but close enough to catch her when she falls, which she inevitably will do. The look in his eyes of how proud he is, the pure love for her hits me so strongly. My children will never know the love of their dad, that unconditional emotion that comes from being a dad. Nobody will ever love those kids like I do, will never be able to share with me the pride and amazement I feel when those small life moments happen. It just won't mean the same to anyone else. I felt very alone at that moment.
I keep thinking that maybe I will find someone before the kids get to old and they will have nice memories of this person being in their life "since they can remember". And I think today I realized that it doesn't matter. I am looking for someone to relieve my own loneliness, no one will ever be their dad, so why bother? Maybe I am just waisting my time looking for a father figure for the kids and instead I should just invest my time in building a stronger bond with my children. It's just so hard to be working full time and be full time mom and then add full time dad onto that list and honestly, I don't think I can do it all. This is the spinning circle I get myself wrapped around that starts to get me depressed. Maybe I am too tired from being sick to get depressed over it tonight. I guess I just needed to get it out is all.....

Meet RABOBANK

I woke up this morning at 4:30. Dropped the kids off at daycare at 6:30, picked up my friend and co-worker and drove down to San Luis for a morning meeting that started at 7am. It was to meet RABOBANK, the company who has aquired us. We had our meeting and breakfast at the Maddona Inn, this gauwdy restaurant and Inn all done up in hot pink and not in a good way. It's a local tourist attraction because it is just too much. All branch staff was there except for the branch managers. we were supposed to be out of there by 8:30 and they kept us there till 9. (our offices open at 9am and all the employees were at this breakfast meeting) Well, we all made it back by 9:30 and had to work out our normal days. It was a long day!
The kids were tuckered out and are now peacefully sleeping. I am enjoying a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich with a glass of chocolate milk and listening to my new Bjork CD that was shipped to me from Argentina(there were cool stamps on the package).
I am finally feeling like I have gotten settled in my new place. I still have some rearranging to do, but all the boxes are unpacked, broke down, and throwned away. It's looking pretty good around here.
Love life still stinks like 13th street and Riverside, but like that intersection, there's nothing you can do about it so why complain. It's best to just plug your nose or hold your breath untill you get to a better part of town.

Hiking up the hills

Went hiking today with my friend Lara and her husband and their two kids. Went to one of the local yet not too traveled campgrounds. We got to go through all sorts of terrain. The trail started off at the base of the mountain and the ground was very dry, as we traveled farther up, a stream started running along the trail and there were ferns growing everywhere and it got very cold. We saw dry oak leaves and lush mossy rocks, thick forest and dry grasses. The kids all had a super time. They ran and played and collected little earthy treasures. It was really a great day out.
It was supposed to be a day at the beach, but with the wind and our highs being only in the 40's, we decided to postpone that adventure for later. I'm glad we did, I haven't been hiking in quite some time. We'll go see the elephant seals soon. That will be our beach trip.

Movin' an Groovin'

Wow, so like three moves in one year is kinda alot, huh? December 17th I moved into the apartment I was talking about. It's nice, just starting to feel like home, although I'm sure it will never fully feel like home. The kids seem to be enjoying living here. I don't think change is nearly as hard on them as it is on us "old folk".
With changes come changes. I just can't believe how much everything seems to be always changing. I feel like I just start to get used to something, and poof, it's up and gone changed on me. Things started off so right with this guy I was dating and then all of a sudden, he tells me it's just"too much work". Wow, unbelievable. I don't want to be alone, but honestly, I'm tired of putting up with these boys and their stupid crap. Well, at least I know I can hold my own. It's just ...well...lonely. He really didn't care much for the kids anyway. Bad bad sign from the start. Even if you know it's not right, as in he's "the one"(on not), It's still a little depressing to break up with someone.
I think now more than ever, I need to go to the beach tomarrow. It's day three of my three day weekend and I am feeling the need for a little meditation. Our highs have only been in the thirties though. Brrrr. I think I'm going to the beach anyway. I'll let you know how it goes......................

The big D

"I'm in the big D and don't mean Dallas"
Well it's official. My divorse was finalized Nov. 21st. I am officially single again. I celebrated by having dinner with a Sean. Ironic twist of fate....
So things are going good at work. The new promotion to FSR(financial service representative) was really a great move. I am learning so much and absolutely love what I am doing. Well mostly. I did have to out to a customers house to get a signature from her dying mother to switch the account over into her name. It was very depressing. But mostly good.
Andrew is out of the picture, again , mostly. He's left a good portion of his things at the apartment. So it will take a little while before he is truely gone.
I got an offer on an appartment, so, I will have to see what it looks like and how much it might cost, but if it is signifigant savings, I may be moving soon. It seems to have quite a few pros and in my mind I'm a little cautious, so we will just have to see how it goes.
The kids seem to be settling into their new school enviornments. T has made a good friend, they see each other almost every weekend. As well, S has a friend from his old school, who we play with at the park almost every weekend. I'm getting to klnow some of the moms as well and now have a few friends of my own.
I'm anxiously awaiting mom and dads Holidawy visit. It's been a while since I've seen them and the kids are very excited.
I'm getting that holiday stress about getting the kids presents finished. Isn't it terrible to have deadlines on fun stuff? The sock monkeys are fun though. I actually went and got more socks before work today. I'm hoping I pick one of the boys names for the gift exchange at work, cause I want to make them a sock monkey. I think they would really have fun with it. Hee Hee....
Well, that's the rap. Things are always everchanging, just so long as they are changing at a pace that I can keep up with, then I enjoy the newness.

Weekend Update

Well, it looks like it's going to be a buisy weekend. Little miss is turning FIVE! I am going to have a five year old. How does that happen? Joann Richardson wants to do something with her Saturday, so there will be presents and cake and lots of playing. Then on Sunday, T's actual birthday, we are going down to Santa Barbara to meet Andrews family for a birthday party for Tabitha. Which means more presents, more cake and more hiper kids! It should be a lot of fun. It's very sweet that his family wants so much to do with us. Still missing Andrew terribly. We don't get to talk much, our breaks are all off and with the time change, it's just hard. Almost made it through two weeks, only six more to go...... Yuck!

Took a Vacation

Isn't It funny how you meet the man of your dreams and suddenly you drop off the face of the Earth? Well, I took a vacation to a wonderful place called love, and although I am still there, I've decided I would send a post card to let everyone know that I am having the time of my life. It's been lonely here and will be for a while yet, as my man has had to leave for training on the other side of the country(or world, as it might as well be). He will be schooling for a couple of months. It's been torture this first week and I can't really imagine it getting any easier. I talk to him daily and we are figuring out how to get along without being with each other every possible minute.
We did actually take a vacation this last week before he had to leave. We left Friday after work and drove down to Los Angeles. We spent Friday night there, Saturday was the Sater dinner (he's Jewish) with his whole family. It was a pretty big to-do. Sunday morning, his mom rented us a Limo to drive us to the airport where we flew up to Oregon to see Mom and Dad. We did Easter on monday, spent every evening in the hot tub, drove around sightseeing, they showed us their other piece of property, celebrated Simon's second birthday, relaxed......, and flew back to L.A. thursday. The kids really had a great time there and I know Mom and Dad did too (Andrew and I did as well, didn't want to leave that out). So, we spent thursday night with his family, Friday A. went to his orientation for Amtrak and we stayed in a hotel that night. We took the kids swimming in the pool and let them ride up and down the glass elevator(or alligator as Tabitha calls it). It was fun. We went out to breakfast the next morning with the family and then went back to their house to say our good-bye's. It was heart wrenching and devastating and I drove away tears running down both cheeks. Eight weeks is going to be so long, and we'd had the most fun together since we started dating the week before he had to go. Can you tell I miss him? I'm still maddly in love with him, I just don't get to share this time with him. I have other news too, but I'm dying my hair and it's just about ready to be rinsed, so I'll have to save the rest for another time.

Elephant Seals!!!

O.k. kind of a strange title, but it' s the event of the day. Andrew and I took the kids up to Cambria today to see the elephant seals. There were alot of people at the beach to see it. "It" was hundreds of elephant seals and their newborn babies. It was really amazing and bizzare, and incredibly funny. We had a great time watching them interacting with each other. They are so amazingly big, it's a wonder they can even move on the ground. They kind of move like slugs, like giant slugs. O.K. they were kind of gross, but only in a not-something-you-see-everyday kind of way. We took lots of pictures I'll try to post one. On the way back, we saw zebras on the Hearst ranch. They were close enough to the road I was able to get a few pictures of them. I was so excited! First elephant seals and then zebras.....Anyway, it was a really fun day.
My new job at the bank is going really well. I've been there for four days, and I think I got the hang of it. I spent all day Friday doing transactions without the help of my trainer. Well, she was sitting right there in case I needed so help, but I was doing pretty good. I was nervous the first day if I was going to be able to handle it alright, but I'm feeling a lot more relaxed and comfortable now. Good times!
Mom and dad are comming down to visit next week. Well, they are comming down to bring me my things and to visit. I miss them alot and I know the kids are really anxious to spend some time with them. In the meantime, I clean the house and get it ready for company.
That's about all the news for now. We are all doing well and getting used to the new schedule. Talk to ya later!!I'll put some pictures up later, they're too big and I'm going to try to shrink them down.

getting bankie

Well, I'm getting all ready to start my new job at the bank. I'm very excited about it. I ended up with a four day weekend because of the holiday on monday. I did work a seven day stretch at Rite Aid before I left, so I was definately ready for a weekend off. Andrew met me at work when I got off my last day and brought me a big bouquet of flowers. It was very sweet. He really is good to me. It is so exciting to be happy in love, and with someone who feels the same way about me.
I went out shopping yesterday to get some clothes I could wear to the bank. I was a frugal shopper, and got some really great deals, and I think I'm set for a while. I have more clothes that will be sent dowm from mom and dad, but I had to make sure I could at least get throught he first week. So, that was a lot of fun. Andrew watched the kids (well, they were sleeping) while I went out shopping, and that was really nice. Well, I'll let you know how the new job goes, everything else is going well.